ON UNIVERSITY CAMPUSES IN NAIJA: HOW TO GET HER NUMBER

As we see it on our campuses....


When a guy sees a cute chic at random he likes, he walks up to her ''Hey there! Hellooo! i've been calling for a while'' (We know you've been staring at her behind for a while). This is a line that helps him get her attention. However, how he says it matters a lot. The keyword here is CONFIDENCE. For example . ''Hey..Errr. I.. I.. I... tried calling... I mean I've been trying to call u''. (When he suddenly remembers the confidence of the Gladiators in Spartacus, his confidence steps up).

''Azzin'' I've been calling you for a while.'' Let me point out something here.
''Azzin'' will never get you far in life. He found his confidence fine, but he found with it a very wrong choice of word ''AZZIN''


What is AZZIN: It is a term used to express uncertainty in uncertain terms. It is also used by dull people to project an image of smartness.
Bottom line it is a word that should be used only by people who have not read this piece.

Back to the story: she may or may not listen him. Okay, lets say she listens. Her response ''I didnt hear anything o'' Now he replies (in a tone that shows he's upset...he is not genuinely upset though) ''Yes thats becos.....'' his reply to her response comes with fast thinking.

He thinks of particular events to reinforce his very first line. If she had an ear piece on, that would be quite easy ''Yes because you had your ear piece on'' No long stories!
There's this mumu I know, a friend of mine :(
He goes on to start explaining how the ear piece wouldn't allow her ear anything. You must never ever ever ever (ever raised to the power 10) do this. Why? Good annoying question.
1. She has a life. Time is ticking
2. Chics don't like intricate analysis of issues like that. They just won't follow. Unless its all funny.

Now lets imagine she hasn't got any ear piece on. His response will be like ''Yes I called you from a distance. You probably didn't hear'' A girl who watches only nollywood movies and vampire
diaries should accept that story.


The next line is a modified cliche ''Do you know any (think of a name any name) Funmi in (think of a department) Microbiology?''

That my mumu friend I mentioned earlier has out nervousness made the mistake of calling a Guy's name. In his words...''Do you know any Jeffrey in....??'' EPIC FAIL.

Boiz dey move. U don carry last.
In my opinion just tell her ''bye bye'' the success so far of the whole exercise just crumbled with your ailing confidence. Get a grip of urself like seriously! She's supposed to be a cute girl, not a headless Madam Koi Koi.

Now she might respond(after thinking of the Funmis she knows) ''Nope''
He follows up ''You look like her'' then she's gonna be like ''hmm'' or ''really'' or ''i get that alot''(I love this in particular)
Continue talking sharply! 5 seconds of silence must not elapse. Some guys get carried away by their progress and they start staring at her boobs.

Fantasizing what's gonna happen when all has gone smoothly. Tick tick 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 time up! the chic you're dreaming of taking to one room in town is standing right there and then she's gonna be like ''We just look alike... doesnt mean anything, I have a class now. Take care!''

After which you'll go back to ur godforsaken room looking for Wi Fi to download Porn(since u have to deal with your present konji). Moral of the interlude? Look at her eyes so you don't get ideas that will
distract you from the ultimate goal. If she replies ''hmm ok'' follow it up immediately ''I'm not saying u're Funmi...''(flatter stylishly) ''you're actually taller and have a smoother face than her'' she's gonna be like ''hmm''

Then you can start asking the common questions you ask a random
student you meet on 2go ''What department are u?'' She answers
''Level?'' she answers. The next and primary goal of the whole
meeting: Phone number.

Intro>>>''Okay lemme release you, I hope we'll be able to meet again''
Her response ''Maybe'' (she's forming, its very normal) The thing you should do now is reach for ur pocket and bring out your phone for her to type her number. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. This action however must be backed up with the words ''lemme have your number''

I know some VGDG(Very Good Dull Guys) that actually ask ''can i have
ur number?'' while looking at her. You want her to bring out her pen and paper and write her number for u? You think you're in a wack nollywood movie? U might wanna listen to JONZING WORLD - D'prince ft Jesse jags and Wizkid, for better explanation

Cos you ain't getting that number with that kind of approach. The only thing that would help you here is if she's already getting attracted to you.
It is however not 100% certain that she'll give you her number with the whole removing-of-phone-from-pocket thing. But I guarantee you a 77% chance she will. And that's an A!


Lets go through the points again:
1. Hey, hello I've been calling you for a while now
2. You look like someone I know
3. You can't be her. You're....(flatter)
4. Hope we meet again. *as you bring out your phone* Lemme have your number

Goodluck!